Gun-Club Chic

When I was a little, uh ... girl, my dad took me hunting. We were never very good, we used to say we gave the deer their exercise, running them around the woods, about a mile ahead of us.  Since then, I've come to be not a fan of the sport, but I remember fondly the Cabela's catalog, which sold manly, woodsy things -- from fishing poles to waders to reloadng equipment -- with a kind of a breathlessly loopy enthusiasm.  Think P.T. Barnum meets Randolph Hearst.

Then, the other day, I received a catalog called "Cabela's Women's" which is all about women's clothes ... and they're still manly and woodsy.  Well, not quite, but definitely not my cup of chai, but then I saw this little number and at first glance, I thought: hmmm.  That's kind of cute, until I noticed that its made from Realtree, a species of camouflage.  Of course, pink isn't your grandfather's camo, or even your grandmother's, but hey: deer are color-blind, right?


I can picture the commercial now:

A black title card, with pink, cursive text:  "I dreamed I stalked a deer in my Realtree underwear" fades to shot of a lissome blonde, stalking the elusive white tail deer in her camo bikini.

Cut to the blond, posing in camo PJ's, distracting the deer with her seductive beauty. Hubby is creeping up on the besotted animal, and as we cut back to the blond, we hear a loud bang! offstage as we

Cut to a bearskin rug before a roaring fire, bloody carcass background stage right, the blond foreground stage right, posing coyly for her man in her camo cami and boy shorts.  He paws the floor like a rutting buck, saying "Where are you, where are you?" ('Cause she's, like, wearing camo) and then

A final shot of the couple, rolling around on the in the bed, and as we fade to black, she whispers seductively: "Is that a gun in your pocket, or is it just my Realtree?"

Call my agent.  This has CLIO written all over it.